no reason

when it's 50 degrees inside...

2012-01-16T13:15:00.000-08:00

so the heat was busted today, and boy was it cold, inside and out. i mean, it was so cold i could see my breath in my living room. so i risked a sylvia plath-like fate and cranked the oven, then thought better of it. how embarrassing would it be to accidentally asphyxiate? things aren't that bad, kids. i decided to make soup instead.

1 bunch swiss chard, rinsed, coarsely chopped
4 large cloves garlic, minced, divided
1/2" piece fresh ginger, peeled and minced
4 shitake mushrooms, chopped
toasted sesame oil
olive oil
4 cups vegetable stock
1/4 can coconut milk (lite or regular)
juice of 1/2 lime
2 small packages bean thread noodles
1/3 cup veggie meat substitute (tofu, smart ground, seitan, whatever)
sriracha sauce to taste

sautee half the garlic in olive oil, add chard, cook until completely wilted. reserve.
sautee the remaining garlic, ginger and shitake mushrooms in sesame oil.
meanwhile bring 4 cups of stock to a low boil. add coconut milk, lime juice, noodles, chard,
ginger, garlic, mushrooms and veggie meat, cook until noodles are tender, about 5-6 minutes.
garnish with sriracha sauce.

makes two huge bowls and will keep you warm for a good long time.

chasing the muse

2012-01-12T04:23:00.000-08:00

i spent a couple hours last night in the company of some of the most creative and talented people i know, many of whom i had not seen in ages. we convened in central square's veggie galaxy for dinner in celebration of our friend's 34th birthday. they made me pine for the person i once was, prolific, outspoken, bold, full of life. over the years, i'll admit i've felt like a shadow of my former self. i can't pinpoint the exact time when i stopped taking note of things that once made me pour my heart onto the page, or when i stopped feeling the need to play out. all i know now is i need to find some way to get that old flame back, or to start a spark at the very least. i am grateful to have received a literal and figurative motivational kick in the pants from the birthday boy before we all departed, once again went our separate ways.

recent favorites

2012-01-11T13:30:00.000-08:00

i've been making shepherd's pie for a while and had a fairly easy time converting my recipe to vegan. i don't measure when cooking (only baking), all are approximations, this should serve four, generously.

3 large potatoes, peeled, washed, cut into 1" pieces
roughly 2 tbsp smart balance margarine
roughly 1 cup plain soy milk

olive oil
1 medium onion, finely chopped
3 cloves garlic, finely minced
roughly 1 tbsp fresh or dried thyme
small can chopped tomatoes
1 cup vegetable stock
1 package smart ground original veggie protein crumbles
3-4 medium carrots, peeled, diced
roughly 1 cup frozen peas
vegan cheddar, optional
salt and pepper to taste.

boil potatoes, around 20 minutes or until tender.
in a large skillet, heat olive oil, sautee onions, garlic, brown soy meat.
add tomatoes, vegetable stock, thyme, carrots, stir, let simmer on low heat until carrots are tender. add frozen peas.

make mashed potatoes incorporating margarine and soy milk plus salt and pepper to taste.

pour soy/veg mixture in a casserole or in 4 individual bowls, top with a layer of mashed potatoes. if using vegan cheddar, top potatoes with a generous grating, place under broiler until potatoes are golden. common sense caution: make sure your bowls are oven-proof if you're going to broil the pies.

in further attempts at self improvement

2012-01-08T04:56:00.000-08:00

over a week into the new year. another shaky start, though i feel like i've groggily shrugged off some of the denial i've been bedding for the last few years. thinking about health and well being, i decided to face the facts and do some research. i drink. a lot. not every day, seldom, if ever, at home. i love smithwick's ale and i was remiss to come to the realization that per each 20 oz. pint, i consume 250 calories. times 4 pints per night on say, conservatively, four nights in a week, that's 4000 calories, sometimes more, sometimes less. gulp. so far this year, i've been out to the pub 3 times. i weighed in at a buck twenty eight. though i have been shopping at whole foods as of late. i find by planning meals (many of which have been vegan), sticking to a set list, i can get in and out with nicer stuff (actual components of meals, not just bags of poorly thought out crap that amounts to not much of anything), having spent less money than i may have at say, roche bros. or stop and shop. who knew! taking an interest in myself and my well being has inspired me to cook more healthily, and to reevaluate how i look at food. i think i've broken my cheese addiction, and now i actually have the energy to want to spend time riding the trainer.

so far i've enjoyed the following recipes found on the whole foods market website, indian spiced garbanzos. lentil chili. i've been making tempeh blts. last night's dinner was roasted chicken style seitan with sauteed fennel, caramelized onions, mashed potatoes and gravy (started with a smart balance based roux with garlic, thyme and the juices from the seitan). maybe more comfort food than ultra healthy, but it was good. for snacks i'm enjoying assorted mediterranean snacks- humus, grape leaves, baba ganoush, nuts, smoothies. so far i feel great, in time i trust i'll see the results as well as feel them, physically.

you just change for the same, the same...

2011-04-21T12:58:00.000-07:00

the other week, the phone rang and i picked it up not knowing who was on the other line.
funny who reaches out to touch you sometimes. people you've let go of who come back, unexpectedly. who in their minds have changed for the better. in this case, by getting sober.

don't get me wrong. i've definitely teetered on the edge and wondered if i was just a wily hooligan (read: hot mess)or an all out alcoholic for ages. i know what it's like to quit, grow self-righteous, sit around in silent judgment of others in the spot i'd gone running from. so now, i'd like to apologize for being a loutish prick, for behaving in a/n holier-than-thou manner, whatever. see, this is what i discovered about my friend. don't get me wrong, i am quite proud of him and his decision. though i don't need to know how everything is better, that he goes to five meetings a week, that i should consider a.a. when he, back when i was trying with all my might to be sober and well adjusted, was hedging bets as to when i'd fall, adding that when (not if) i did it would be fast and hard. i guess i'm glad i don't have to worry about who he'd inevitably kill in a drunk driving accident and that makes me feel a bit happier knowing his family members won't have to visit him in jail, worse, the morgue. but shit, i think he just changed for the same, swapped one vice for another. think i'll skip church this easter, i already sat through a sermon this month...

the fix is in

2011-03-11T03:03:00.000-08:00

i've had elliott smith on my mind a lot lately. guess that's all the title has to do with anything.

i've had the flu since wednesday. i woke from restless sleep several times, lastly, after being jolted awake from a very real dream. my aunt, also my namesake, who is severely mentally retarded and more or less non-verbal. it was christmas at my grandparents' home, all the folks from her group home were there. i'd remarked on her haircut and bam! she breaks out in full conversation, which was astounding, i'd waited my entire life for more than any of the incomprehensible, guttural sounds she could muster.

i guess this dream of family subconsciously comes from the quite recent demise of my great uncle. my grandfather has now buried his entire original family, two parents, a sister and two brothers. i know i'll never fully comprehend what that's like, to be of an age where nearly everyone is gone, worse, that there was a foolish feud that could have been swept aside, relationships could have been salvaged. i see this in my own past. hmm. oh well, the fix is in.

i've got 100 resolutions, but i've got no solutions

2011-01-01T06:11:00.000-08:00

2010. good riddance. i guess it started off well enough, down at the middle east with have nots and bim skala bim with jay, kate and pete. then bam. february. got the news that a friend's dad died, fairly suddenly. a man i'd never truly known, perhaps met once at the old house in allston, but who had so clearly given so much, meant so much to so many. more death followed. i had a birthday. my best friend had her first child. my grandparents bounced in and out of the v.a. and newton wellesley hospital. my uncle and aunt got divorced. i spent too much time at the bar. i didn't lose any weight or successfully quit smoking or get the band back together or pick up a pen, the phone or any of those things i thought i might. i didn't read much or catch up on all that music i'd been meaning to check out. i kind of lost interest in life, in people, i had a hard time trying to remember what my dreams were, were there any left? i got to see the bouncing souls for the first time. i saw the lawrence arms two nights in a row. i didn't see as many local shows as i would have liked, though i got to see lenny lashley at the paradise, plus the sheila divine reunited and i saw them twice. i left night 3 of the bosstones' hometown throwdown early knowing i'd never have the same experience as i did when i was a kid. i discovered that the dead kennedys have no right to call themselves that sans jello biafra and i walked out of that show more than slightly disappointed. i have a new found appreciation for opera after taking my mom to see andrea bocelli. i guess i made her happy at least one night last year. that was a good night. that may make up for the fact that i destroyed my mother-in-law's christmas. can't win 'em all...
so what am i going to do this year... it started out well enough. didn't get drunk. didn't start a fight. didn't wake up having to apologize to anyone or retract any asinine posts on whatever social network site. i had a bath. loaded the dishwasher. decided to start writing again. for better or worse. i've started gathering together all the physical, unnecessary stuff in my life and hope boomerang's is open today so i can drop off some more boxes. at a more reasonable hour, i may crank out the dance music, whatever the kids are listening to these days (i heard something about dynamite the other day, it's catchy) and bust out my old step aerobic moves. all the drinking last year packed it on. i'm disgusted. but i hate the gym so there's my resolve. i looked online at flights to london. prices are better than i'd imagined, glad i didn't buy the really awesome but super frivolous marc jacobs star sunglasses. that money's better in the bank and the look on my mom's face on her 60th birthday will be friggin' priceless.

3/24/97

2010-01-03T07:00:00.000-08:00

i don't force the smiles
you can't bring them
anymore
lock jaw replaces
slack jaw
now

why i don't work for --- (12/8/03)

2010-01-03T06:18:00.000-08:00

wisconsin. children flocked like gulls to chum towards the calling of "free ice cream!"after driving for days, they'd arrived, in a stolen refrigerator truck, which was the property of her former employer. she'd given her two weeks' notice to an extremely passive aggressive regional manager who responded by removing her remaining shifts from the schedule. she threatened to take legal action against the shop should they not recoup her losses: ten days labor plus vacation pay and a new bicycle, to replace the old cruiser that had been thieved from the basement. it was the same bicycle that should have prompted a law suit several years prior, though she didn't want to get that far involved. the car that had struck her caused $300 in damages to the fork and frame not to mention the stitches, allergic reactions and case of impetigo she developed during that blistering summer. the driver took her to the hospital and home again but skipped out on the bills.

the truck was, in her mind, payback. she received her severance but didn't get the vacation pay, or a bike. on the road, she thought, no worries, the look on their faces is worth it.

trees, circa 11/03

2010-01-03T06:06:00.000-08:00

it was a quintessential autumn day when they'd decided to go for a drive. she cleared the car's seats of personal belongings, to make room for him beside her. when they arrived, she parked on a side street, several yards from the cemetery's front gate. leaves of gold, crimson and orange had begun to litter the sidewalks. it was a good day to view the foliage. before long, winter's cold hand would strip the trees bare and render them brittle, crippled skeletons.

she had a fascination with cemeteries, this one in particular, for it held tremendous beauty and transcended itself, once inside its gates one nearly forgot they were surrounded by the dead. the botany, wildlife and ponds loaned a park-like feel, the observation tower placed viewers far above the parameters of the city. the trees were glorious.